Escape to Paradise: Germany's Hidden Gem, Hotel Landgasthof Simon
Escape to Paradise? More Like… Escaping Reality (and Loving Every Second): A Dive into Hotel Landgasthof Simon
Okay, buckle up buttercups. I just got back from Hotel Landgasthof Simon, that "Hidden Gem" in Germany they keep touting. And let me tell you, the "hidden" part is definitely true – finding it was a small adventure in itself, involving more wrong turns than a drunk GPS. But hey, part of the charm, right?
This review isn't going to be some sterile, bullet-point list. We’re going for real. Think less brochure, more a chat with your slightly-obsessed-with-travel friend after way too many beers at the airport bar. Let's get messy. Let's get honest. Let's find out if this "paradise" is worth the hype.
First Impressions & "Getting There" (Accessibility… kind of):
Finding the place felt like a treasure hunt – a very scenic treasure hunt, mind you. The countryside is gorgeous, rolling hills, charming little villages… But the roads? Let's just say, my rental car and I became very well-acquainted. Car park [free of charge]: Luckily, parking on-site was a blessing. No fumbling for change or circling the block. Airport transfer: I didn't use it, but it's there, and believe me, after those roads, it might be worth it.
Accessibility, you ask? Well… Facilities for disabled guests: They claim to have some. Elevator: Thankfully, I didn’t need it, but it seemed okay. Access: The landscape itself presents a challenge. Navigating the cobblestone streets and the hills requires a bit of effort, but the hotel itself seems to accommodate.
Into the Hotel Itself - Where's the Room Service?
Stepping inside, it's immediately charming. Think cozy Bavarian lodge meets… uh… slightly outdated, but charming is the key. The staff? Honestly, lovely. Super friendly, even when I, after a long day of driving, arrived looking like I'd wrestled a badger (apologies to the badger). Front desk [24-hour]: Thank goodness. Concierge: Helpful, though maybe a tad overwhelmed at times.
The Room – My Personal Fortress of Solitude (With Free Wi-Fi!)
Okay, the room. This is where things get interesting. Wi-Fi [free] and Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! Thank you, sweet baby Jesus, for the free Wi-Fi. This is a MUST-HAVE for any modern traveler. Internet access – wireless, Internet access – LAN: They’ve got you covered. Air conditioning: Yes! A lifesaver, even in the usually mild German climate. Air conditioning in public area: Bless.
My room was… well, it was a room. Clean. Daily housekeeping: Immaculate, actually. Rooms sanitized between stays: Yep, tick. Non-smoking rooms: Of course. Blackout curtains: Crucial for my sleep schedule. Bathtub, Shower, Separate shower/bathtub: All bases covered. The extra long bed was appreciated by my six-foot-something frame. Bathrobes and slippers: Nice touch. Complimentary tea and coffee maker: Essential for kicking off the day. Laptop workspace: I got my work done!
But let's be real, it also had that… slightly old-fashioned vibe. The décor felt like it hadn’t been touched since the 80s. Think floral wallpaper, maybe a doily or two. But honestly? It was kind of endearing. It’s like staying in your eccentric aunt’s (very clean!) guest room.
The Food – Let's Talk Schnitzel (and More Schnitzel):
The food is where things get… wonderfully German. Restaurants: Yes, plural! Breakfast [buffet]: A hearty spread of cold cuts, cheeses, local breads, and eggs cooked to your liking. Western breakfast, Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Western cuisine in restaurant, Buffet in restaurant They're trying to have everything. I stuck with the good old Western breakfast, which was good. Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop: Always available.
A la carte in restaurant, Salad in restaurant, Soup in restaurant, Desserts in restaurant: Now, the real star? The A la carte offerings. The schnitzel? Forget about it. Crispy, juicy, and big enough to feed a small village. The potato salad? Divine. I basically lived on schnitzel for the duration of my stay. Alternative meal arrangement: No problem. They happily accommodated my slightly picky eating habits. Bottle of water Yes, the essentials.
Dining in, getting that room service… Room service [24-hour] I used this more than I'm proud of. Poolside bar Yes. Snack bar Yes. Happy hour YES!
The Spa & Relaxation – Finding My Inner Zen (or at Least, Trying):
Okay, this is where things really shine. Spa, Spa/sauna, Sauna, Steamroom. I indulged. I really indulged. Massage: This was a highlight. Deep tissue, expertly done. I walked out feeling like a new person. Pool with view, Swimming pool [outdoor], Swimming pool: Gorgeous! Absolutely stunning. Foot bath. Bliss. The Body scrub and Body wrap I skipped. Not my thing. Fitness center, Gym/fitness: I didn’t touch the fitness center, let's be honest. This trip was about enjoying all the delicious food… and the spa.
Cleanliness & Safety – Feeling Surprisingly Safe:
Cleanliness and safety, Anti-viral cleaning products, Cashless payment service, Daily disinfection in common areas, Doctor/nurse on call, First aid kit, Hand sanitizer, Hot water linen and laundry washing, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Shared stationery removed, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment,. They take this super seriously, and it shows. I felt completely safe, which is a huge bonus these days.
The "Things to Do" – Beyond the Schnitzel:
Beyond the spa and the schnitzel-binging, there is actually stuff to do in the area! Things to do: Hiking, cycling, exploring charming villages, and, of course, visiting castles. I did a little bit of everything, but mostly I prioritized the ways to relax.
The Quirks & Imperfections (Because No Place is Perfect):
Okay, no place is perfect. There were some hiccups, naturally. The Wi-Fi wasn't always the fastest, the elevator was a bit slow. And the décor, as I mentioned, is… let's say retro. But honestly, those were just minor blips. They added to the charm.
For the Kids: Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal. They have it!
The Price Tag – Worth it?
Truthfully, yeah. Cash withdrawal: They have it.
The Verdict – Run, Don't Walk (But Maybe Map Out the Route First):
Hotel Landgasthof Simon isn't just a hotel; it's an experience. A cozy, charming, slightly eccentric experience. If you're looking for sterile perfection, move along. If you're looking for a place to escape the everyday, to relax, to eat your weight in delicious food, and to soak in some serious German charm? Then book this place. Now. It’s the perfect place to recover and recharge.
My Final, Unsolicited Advice:
- Book the massage. Seriously. Do it.
- Embrace the Schnitzel. Don't even try to resist.
- Allow extra time to get there. The journey is part of the adventure!
- Make sure you have your phone or a paper map to navigate.
- Pack comfortable shoes for walking, and a swimsuit for the pool. Don't forget your sense of humor.
The Offer (Why You Should Book NOW!):
Escape to Paradise: Germany's Hidden Gem… Your Escape is Waiting!
Are you dreaming of a getaway that combines breathtaking scenery, unparalleled relaxation, and the authentic charm of Germany? Look no further than Hotel Landgasthof Simon!
Book your stay now and unlock:
- Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! Stay connected even while you escape.
- Unforgettable dining experiences, including a daily breakfast buffet with a local twist.
- A revitalizing spa experience to rejuvenate your body and mind, from massages to saunas.
- Cozy and comfortable rooms with all the amenities you need for a perfect stay.
- Unparalleled value for your money, with affordable rates and exceptional service.
- A safe and secure environment, with the highest standards of hygiene and cleanliness.
But that’s not all! Book your stay within the next two weeks and receive a complimentary bottle of local wine upon arrival, to kick off your journey of relaxation
Indonesian Paradise: Your Private Pool Villa Awaits (L270)!
My Gut-Busting, Schnitzel-Fueled Adventure at Hotel Landgasthof Simon (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the German Village)
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your grandma's perfectly curated travel blog. This is the raw, unfiltered truth of my recent (slightly chaotic) escapade to the utterly charming, and potentially heart-attack-inducing, Hotel Landgasthof Simon in… well, somewhere in the German countryside. Let's dive in, shall we? Prepare for tangents, because honestly, that's pretty much my travel M.O.
Day 1: Arrival & Initial "Oh My God, This Is Adorable" Overload.
- Morning (That's a generous term, I slept in): Woke up in Frankfurt, convinced I'd pack the absolute bare minimum, and then proceeded to stuff a second suitcase full of "just in case" outfits. You know, in case I spontaneously become a supermodel and need a full-body sequin leotard. Never happened.
- Transportation: Train ride! The German train system is… efficient. Maybe too efficient. They have announcements in German, which I definitely don't understand, and sometimes I think they are pointing out you are doing wrong. But, it got me there!
- Arrival at Landgasthof Simon: Oh. My. God. Picture this: a cobblestone street, half-timbered houses that look like they're straight out of a fairy tale, and the Hotel Landgasthof Simon, nestled amongst it all like a cozy, inviting hug. I was immediately smitten. The receptionist, a tiny woman named Helga with a smile that could melt glaciers, greeted me with a hearty "Guten Tag!" and the keys to my room.
- Room (aka My Little Bavarian Paradise): Tiny, but perfect. Seriously, the room was spotless, and so charmingly decorated with wooden furniture and a balcony overlooking… well, I’m not sure what it overlooked, but it was green and peaceful, and I was sold. My first thought? "I'm never leaving." My second thought? "Where's the beer?"
- Afternoon: The Schnitzel Situation & Instant Bloating. Okay, so I hit the hotel restaurant immediately. Because, you know, jet lag. And because… schnitzel. I ordered the biggest one they had, obviously. I mean, when in Rome, right? (Except this was Germany. And Schniztel.) I ate the entire thing. Every single crumb. And let me tell you, by the time I was done, I thought I might explode. I waddled out, feeling less like a sophisticated traveler and more like a stuffed sausage. But damn, it was good.
- Evening: Village Wanderings & Immediate Regret: I felt the need to walk off my massive German food baby. I wandered the village, which was… eerily quiet. I mean, it was charming, don’t get me wrong. But it also felt like I was the only human being awake. Found a little pub, drank a beer (because, duh), and ended up chatting with the friendly bartender, who, after a few beers of his own, revealed he was a secret yodeler. (That's kind of the standard "secret skill" in a German Village, right?)
Day 2: The Day I Became Best Friends with Apple Strudel. & Attempted to Hike.
- Morning: Breakfast of Champions (and Cinnamon): The breakfast buffet at the hotel? Forget about it. It was a glorious spread of cheeses, meats, breads, and, most importantly, apple strudel. I may have eaten three slices. Okay, maybe four. Don't judge me, it was heavenly.
- Morning: Hiking Misadventures: Armed with a map from Helga (which I promptly lost), I decided to “hike” in the nearby forests. I envisioned myself conquering mountains, embracing nature, blah blah blah. The reality? I got lost. Twice. The "hike" turned into a brisk walk through some very, very, very green woods. I was mostly convinced I was going to be eaten by a badger. I’m not sure by what, but I did end up back at the hotel, slightly scratched, covered in leaves, and smelling faintly of pine.
- Afternoon: The "I Survived the Badger" Lunch & More Schnitzel: Back to the restaurant! Ordered the same schnitzel. Couldn’t help myself. I needed the comfort of familiar deep-fried goodness after my wilderness near-death experience.
- Evening: Folk Music & Unexpected Tears: The hotel had a folk music night! Honestly, I went as a joke, with a sarcastic smirk. But the music was so… heartfelt. And the beer was plentiful. And I, for some reason, started to cry. Not a full-on sobfest, mind you, but a few rogue tears slipped down my face as I sat there, surrounded by happy Germans singing about… well, I have no idea what they were singing, but it was beautiful. Maybe the schnitzel made me emotional.
Day 3: Departure & Existential Schnitzel Regret.
- Morning: Farewell Breakfast & The Strudel Goodbye: One last epic breakfast. The apple strudel and I had a moment. I will miss it so much.
- Departure: Saying goodbye to Helga felt like saying goodbye to a relative I'd known my whole life. She hugged me and gave me a small bread.
- On The train: I am now on the train, thinking about that schnitzel. It was… a journey. A delicious, carb-filled journey. I might have gained five pounds. But hey, at least I have the memories (and a slight stomach ache). I'll definitely be back Landgasthof Simon, and next time… I'm bringing an extra pair of pants.
- Final Thoughts: Landgasthof Simon isn't for people who want a perfectly polished, instagrammable vacation. It's for those who appreciate authentic experiences, hearty food, and the simple joy of being slightly lost and a little bit full in a charming village. It was messy, it was imperfect, and it was absolutely perfect. And I’m already planning my return. Because, let’s be honest, I need another schnitzel. And maybe a badger-free hiking adventure this time.
Okay, let’s cut to the chase. Is Landgasthof Simon actually… good? I mean, *really* good?
Alright, look, let's be real. This isn't a swanky, marble-floored, "Instagrammable" hotel with a view of the Eiffel Tower. It's a *Gasthof*. A German country inn. And yes, for what it *is*, it’s bloody brilliant. Imagine stepping into a fairytale, but one where the elves are running around with trays of beer and the king of the castle is a jovial guy in lederhosen. The food? Oh God, the food. I'm still dreaming of the *Schweinshaxe* – a pork knuckle so crispy and juicy, it made me question my life choices. (Mostly, why I hadn’t eaten it sooner.) Is it perfect? Nah, the wifi sometimes gives up the ghost, and the decor is… well, let's just say it has character. But the charm? The warmth? The sheer, unadulterated *German-ness* of it all? Utterly, completely, sold. My first bite of that Schweinshaxe? Pure, unadulterated bliss. I actually yelped (a little). Don't expect minimalist chic, expect a warm hug from Grandma's house, but with industrial-sized portions of incredible food.
The pictures look…cozy. Like, *really* cozy. Is it claustrophobic?
"Cozy" is a diplomatic term. It's more like… deeply nestled. My room was definitely compact. Picture this: a bed, a wardrobe that probably pre-dates the Berlin Wall, and just enough space to swing a (small) cat. Frankly, I loved it. I'm convinced tiny spaces force you to embrace the moment, and stop obsessing over the mess you made. Embrace it. It's part of the charm. And besides, you're not meant to be stuck in your room! You're meant to be OUT, exploring the Black Forest, stuffing your face with pretzels, and maybe accidentally buying a cuckoo clock you *definitely* don't have space for. I started giggling uncontrollably the first time I saw the tiny shower, but once that hot water hit, I was completely sold.
What's the food situation like? I'm a picky eater. Will I starve?
Okay, look. I'm a vegetarian. I know, I know, in Germany. Cue the eye rolls. But let me tell you, I *did not* starve. While meat is definitely king (hello, Schweinshaxe again!), I discovered the magic of *Spätzle* (egg noodles, a German staple), and they had a pretty amazing veggie option, and the salads were fresh and full of crunchy goodness. Don't be afraid to ask! The staff are wonderfully patient and accommodating, even when my very rusty German failed me miserably. And the breakfast! Oh, the breakfast. An absolute *carnival* of cheeses, breads, meats (yes, even for me!), and the most heavenly coffee. Embrace the buffet. Embrace the butter. Embrace the carbs. Just… do it.
What about the location? Is it easy to get around?
The location is… remote. Gloriously, wonderfully remote. You're right in the heart of the Black Forest. Think winding roads, rolling hills, and actual, honest-to-goodness forests. I found the isolation to be a huge plus. It was a complete digital detox, and the silence at night was absolutely golden. Public transport is okay, but having a car is a *huge* advantage to explore. You'll want a car to get to the amazing hiking trails, the charming villages, and the waterfalls that will make your jaw drop. Just don't drive like a maniac – those roads are twisty! And while you're at it, try the local beer, but not *before* you drive, duh.
Any insider tips? What's the ONE thing I absolutely *must* do?
Okay. Listen up. This is crucial. Book a table for dinner *immediately* upon check-in. Seriously. The restaurant is popular (for a reason!). It's a non-negotiable. After that, just breathe. Wander. Get lost. Talk to the locals (even if only with gestures). Eat *all* the food. And for the love of all that is holy, go find that waterfall I mentioned. You'll have an amazing experience, I promise. Oh! And if you see a grumpy old guy in Lederhosen, give him a smile. He might just offer you a shot of schnapps. My memory of that night is a little hazy, but it was FUN.
Seriously, the staff? Are they friendly? I’m a bit of a mess.
Okay, so I'm not exactly known for my grace. I’m the kind of person who trips over air, forgets where I put my phone, and generally functions at a slightly-below-average level of competence. So, *yes*, the staff is friendly. In fact, they are *miraculously* patient and kind. They speak English (mostly), but even when there's a language barrier, there's a warmth and genuine helpfulness that shines through. I somehow managed to mix up my check-out time and *still*, after practically begging them for another hour of sleep, they were wonderfully understanding. One of the waitresses saw me struggle to pick up a rather large Schweinshaxe and actually showed me the proper technique. (Turns out, there *is* a technique.) They made me feel like I was visiting family, even though my German is probably worse than my ability to not spill coffee on myself. Seriously, their kindness is the real escape to paradise.
Alright, spill the tea: What was the *worst* part? Be honest.
Okay, here's the truth. There’s no perfect. The worst part? Leaving. Seriously. The feeling of pulling back from the parking lot was like saying goodbye to a favorite, slightly eccentric aunt who always makes the best cookies. It’s not a luxury hotel. It's not flawless. But it's real. It’s authentic. It’s welcoming. And the fact that I *mourned* leaving, that's kind of the point, right? I will definitely be back. Maybe I'll even learn some German. And this time, I'm staying for a *week*.
